


Repeating

by orphan_account



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, M/M, potentially more characters later idk but hey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-18 13:48:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7317691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler and Josh seem to think they've been misplaced when they arrive to Hogwarts, and Blurryface isn't making it easy for Tyler to come to terms with it. Little do they know they're right where they're meant to be, and no matter how many Howlers or panic attacks, it's staying that way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This Is Backwards, Right?

**Author's Note:**

> Let's be real, I started writing this for the Umm... I Have Jesus? group chat on twitter but it became a whole different monster. Thanks to everybody in the chat who helped me ease back into writing, because it's been a while! Anyways, enjoy this mess.

I kept my head down as I thought hard about what had just happened in the Great Hall.  
_I’m a Slytherin._  
_YOU’RE WRONG_  
 _YOU’RE WRONG_  
 _YOU’RE WRONG_  
I struggled to get the thought out.  
I knew that it had been a long time since being a Slytherin was a bad thing, but I couldn’t help but think about how my parents were going to react when they found out. Both were proud Gryffindor. I was so fucked. It had been hard enough for them to accept who I was outside of Hogwarts. I continued to look at my feet as I walked, slowly making my way to my new home under the lake. I finally looked up to see my new housemates, to see if they were judging me, only to find nobody with me at all.  
_Shit, Tyler. You’ve been here less than half a day and you’ve already gotten so lost you don’t even know where you live._  
I felt my chest begin to cave in.  
_Fuck. I need to get out of here._  
I turned back the way I came, bolting with no direction.  
_KEEP RUNNING_  
 _KEEP RUNNING_  
 _KEEP RUNNING_  
 _KEE-_

*****

I heard footsteps running towards me, but I was too lost in my own thoughts to care. A whole line of Slytherins, and I had to come along and mess it all up. I was never going to make it in, I knew that, but I had hoped I would at least make Ravenclaw. I stood with my head against the wall, breathing heavily. What was going to happen to me? I got enough shit at Muggle School for being gay, now I’m going to get shit at home and school for being a fucking Hufflepuff.  
_A gay Hufflepuff._  
_When did I become such a cliché?_  
“Just… just go to bed, Josh.” I mumbled to myself, before pushing off the wall and straight into a human. They fell straight to the ground with a small “oomph”, looking up at me with brown eyes that seemed to sparkle in a way that made my stomach jump. It took me a second to realise they were tears.  
“I’m sorry, man!” I exclaimed, reaching out a hand to help the guy up. He took it, a small smile forming on his lips.  
“Not your fault. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a panic attack to continue and I’d prefer to be out of the building when it gets bad.” He said, gearing up to run again.  
“Wait, won’t you get in trouble for being out of your dorm?” I asked, placing a slight hand on his. He faltered, and I heard him let out a sigh, followed by a sharp intake of breath.  
“Won’t you?” he mumbled. I let go of his hand as I realised I could be in trouble out here too.  
_He has a point, Josh._  
“Let me come with you then. I’ll just tell them you needed to leave or else you’d… I don’t know… blow up your dorm.” I said, starting to walk out towards the main doors.  
****

He wants to come outside with me? Risk getting detention? On our first day? With someone he only just met?  
“Uh… Alright.” I said, and began to follow the boy towards the main doors, silence taking over the both of us. The castle was surprisingly quiet for the time of night. We finally made it back out, walking down the stairs and out towards the forest.  
“I’m Josh, by the way. “ the boy said, turning around and walking backwards with a smile, “I was supposed to be a Slytherin but I guess I fucked that up somehow and now I’m a Hufflepuff.”  
“Oh, so I’m not the only one having an identity crisis?” I raised an eyebrow, “Gryffindor family, Slytherin house.”  
“Mess. It’s so much fun to be doubting myself all over again. I thought I was comfy, y’know? I knew who I was.” Josh mumbled, as he turned back around, his cloak billowing out as he spun.  
_That… that looked kinda cool. Josh looks kinda cool._  
_TYLER. YOU KNOW YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO FEEL LIKE THAT IF YOU CAN AVOID IT. YOU KNOW._  
 _YOU KNOW._  
 _YOU KNOW._  
 _YOU KNOW._  
“Yeah?” I asked.  
“Yeah.” He said, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Didn’t catch your name, though.”  
“Tyler. Tyler Joseph.” I said, through gritted teeth. Saying my family name felt wrong. I wasn’t a Joseph anymore. Not if I was a Slytherin.  
“Come on Tyjo, lets go find somewhere to sit down and talk.” He said, spinning around again to show me a massive grin. He seemed so happy to give me a nickname.  
_He’s cute when he smiles._  
_BUT YOU CAN’T TYLER. YOU LET YOUR FAMILY DOWN ENOUGH ALREADY_  
 _ENOUGH_  
 _ENOUGH_  
 _ENOUGH_  
 _ENOUGH_  
“Sure, Josh.” I smiled lightly as I looked towards the ground, trying to block out the repeating thoughts. The repeating thoughts almost always got the better of me, but something about Josh helped me ignore them.  
_This kid… this kid is going to save my life._  
_IF YOU DON’T KILL YOURSELF FIRST_  
 _KILL YOURSELF_  
 _KILL YOURSELF_  
 _KILL._  
“Oh, shut up.” I whispered under my breath. I looked up to see Josh sitting on a fallen log, just on the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest. I made my way up, sitting down next to him, staring at the stars for a minute. I felt the last little vestiges of my panic attack leave me, and now I could finally breathe properly.  
“Thanks, by the way.” I said, staring straight ahead, focusing on one star.  
“For what?” Josh asked. I could feel his eyes on me, with a mild look of confusion running across his face. It was all through his voice.  
“You kind of stopped my freak out dead in it’s tracks. So yeah. Thanks.” I said, finally looking over at him. He nodded, a piece of blue hair falling into his eyes. I felt my breath hitch once again as I watched him run his hand through it to place it back.  
_Tyler, you are so gay._  
 _TOO GAY_  
 _TOO GAY_  
 _TOO GAY_  
 _TOO GAY._  
“So… why is the Great Tyler Joseph so cut up about being different to his family?” Josh asked, snapping me back to reality once again with a light touch to the shoulder.  
“Oh… I don’t think it would have been as bad if it were another house… or if we hadn’t gone down this road before with… other stuff. But, you know. I’m going to be ok in the end. Much like last time, they either can accept it, or not. It’s not gonna change it.” I said, reading Josh’s face. He understood, but was confused by something.  
“When you say ‘last time’ and ‘other stuff’, what do you mean?” he questioned, with finger quotations. “Unless you don’t wanna tell someone you just met that knocked you to the ground.” He petered off, looking down quickly.  
“Oh… yeah umm, I’m… I’m gay as all heck.” I mumbled, watching Josh’s jaw drop slightly. “It, umm, it didn’t go down so well. They accept it now, but I feel like this is going to be much of the same.”  
“Tyl-“  
“I should have known, y’know? I should have known I would be too fucked up to be a Gryffindor. I’m a bit too mentally twisted to be anything but a Slytherin. I just want to see myself a bit too much to have wound up where I needed to be. I like watching myself suffer enough that I just HAD to like the same sex.” I interrupted, as if a floodgate had been opened.  
“Tyle-“  
“It just couldn’t go my way for once, just FUCKING ONCE.” I exclaimed, hearing birds rustle along with my scream. I felt my chest heave with breath and realized my anxiety was flaring up again. I went to move, to stand, to run, only to feel Josh grab me and pull me into his arms, hugging me extremely close.  
“Me too Tyler, me too. Everything you just said is everything I’ve been feeling. “ He said, his chin bumping up and down onto the top of my head as he held me.  
_Wait._  
_Did Josh just say what I think he said?_  
 _NO_  
 _NO_  
 _NO_  
 _HE’S NOT LIKE YOU._  
 _NOT LIKE YOU._  
 _NOT LIKE YOU._  
 _NOT._  
 _NOT._  
 _NOT._  
We sat there for the rest of the night, just staring at the stars in various states of holding each other as we spoke about our lives. It was a comfort knowing I was going to make it till morning. Maybe, just maybe, I would survive all of this. I sure as hell knew having Josh nearby was going to help.  
_Who knows? Maybe Josh and I will end up taking on the world together. I dunno how, but it feels like he was supposed to come into my life_  
_HE WILL NEVER LOVE YOU._  
 _NEVER LOVE YOU_  
 _NEVER LOVE_  
 _NEVER_  
 _NEVER_  
 _NEVER._


	2. It's Only A Mess If You Make It One

I found myself inexplicably drawn to Josh as the years went on. We began to hang out every second we could, and I found myself more beat up about the fact he wasn’t a Slytherin, something he both agreed with and hated. We would sit every meal with our backs to each other, just so we could sit close and enjoy each other’s company and talk. Most people looked at us strangely as they walked past. The Slytherin and the Hufflepuff, chatting away over their shoulders and occasionally brushing hands like there was nothing in the world that would be against this.  
What Josh had said on the first night we met, all those years ago, still weighed on my mind, and I wondered if he had meant that he agreed with EVERYTHING I said.  
_Everything. Meaning you hope he is also… like you_  
_HE IS NOT LIKE YOU_  
_HE IS NOT YOU_  
_NOT YOU_  
_NOT._  
Neither of us had heard much from our families regarding our house placement even when we returned home for the first few years, which I took as a sign my parents heard and are refusing to acknowledge it. Josh, however, had begun to fight with his family more and more, and now took it as a sign that he would have no home to go to when the next lot of holidays came around. As classes came and went in our 5th year, we still hadn’t heard. Eventually, we were being asked if we wanted to stay for the holidays. I put myself down to stay without a second thought, and Josh asked for another day to decide. A day turned into a week. Finally, he was given 24 hours or else he had to go home.  
That day, we met at the main hallway and headed in for breakfast. While sitting there with toast at the Slytherin table, I watched the owls fly in. As expected, nothing for me. I peered over my shoulder to look at Josh, staring in disbelief as an owl landed in front of him. I watched him pick up the envelope.  
_Oh shit. Howler._  
_JOSH IS ABOUT TO GET BROKEN_  
_AND YOU CAN’T HELP_  
_WORTHLESS._  
He stared at the envelope as if it wasn’t real, as smoke began pouring out the edges. Unless he opened it in the next few seconds, it was going to start screaming anyway. I saw his face go red, and I swivelled around to face him, pulling him around to face me.  
“Josh, no matter what this thing says, you’re going to be o-“  
“JOSHUA WILLIAM DUN. YOU HAVE BOUGHT DISGRACE ONTO THIS FAMILY. YOU HAVE SHAMED YOUR ANCESTORS. YOU’RE A FUCKING MESS. FIRST, YOU RUIN OUR CHANCES OF CONTINUED LINAGE BY BEING A HOMOSEXUAL, AND THEN YOU END THE FAMILIES REIGN OF SLYTHERIN. THINK. THINK OF WHAT YOUR COUSINS WILL THINK WHEN WE HAVE OUR NEXT REUNION. THINK OF YOUR GRANDPARENTS. WE DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE UNTIL THIS CHANGES. ALL OF IT. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LET JESUS IN WHEN YOU LIVED HERE. WE HAVE JESUS. WE HAVE HIM. WE BELIEVE IN HIM. WE BELIEVE IN OUR MAGICAL HERITAGE TOO. YOU ARE A BLASPHEMOUS MESS OF A CHILD WITH NO RESPECT FOR WHERE HE HAS COME FROM AND WHO HE BELONGS TO.”  
With that, the letter burst into flames in front of us. Josh’s eyes were filling with tears, as snickering began from my table and the whole hall started to buzz back to life.  
“What the fuck was that?” one voice let out.  
“Umm… We have Jesus?” another voice cried out through strangled laughs. Josh let out a strangled cry and let his head fall down.  
“Josh. Joshie.” I said, reaching for his hand. He slapped it away.  
“Don’t.” he mumbled, getting up and running from the hall.  
_YOU’RE FUCKING WORTHLESS._  
_THE GUY YOU LIKE IS DYING INSIDE AND YOU’RE WORTHLESS_  
“Josh, wait!” I said, running after him.  
“Tyler, fucking stay there. I just want to be alone.” He spat, and continued to run. I ignored him, only running faster as he made his way out of the main doors. We both made it out of the hall, Josh bumping into Professor Sprout and falling a few steps back. I caught him before he went down.  
“Oh, Joshua! Have you decided if you’re staying for the holidays?” she asked, the smile on her face faltering as she took in the sight of him crying.  
“Yeah. Yeah. I’m staying.” He whimpered, and I felt his hand grip my arm.  
“Oh… alright Joshua.” She smiled a wry smile, and continued on her way, not asking any questions. Josh’s grip on my arm tightened as I felt him begin to sob again. I sat down on the floor, letting Josh lean on me as he sat down too. He twisted around to hug me, and his body heaved with each cry.  
“Josh. Josh. Breathe with me. It’s ok.” I mumbled into his hair, rubbing his back.  
_IT’S NOT OK_  
_ITS NOT OK_  
_NOT OK_  
_OK_  
_NOT OK_  
“It’s not ok, Tyjo, it’s not fucking ok! My parents just… they… they just outed me in front of the whole school.” He cried, gritting his teeth together to try to hold back some tears. My eyes widened as what he said finally dawned on me, and I felt the world slow down. All that felt concrete was Josh in my arms, crying, and the words he just uttered.  
_So… He is like me._  
_BUT HE WILL NEVER LOVE YOU_  
_NEVER_  
_NEVER LOVE_  
_NEVER_  
_Shut the fuck up a second, will you?_  
“I know, and that’s so shit, but what can you do about it now? Just… you’ve got the whole holidays ahead. Some time with most people gone. You can breathe a bit, get used to it. Plus, you’ll have me!” I smiled, trying to calm Josh down. “You’ll always have me.”  
“For real? You don’t hate me for this?” he sniffed, looking up at me. His eyes sparkled with tears, tracks running down his face to his chin. Something about it seemed so… comforting. Like it was good to know Josh had feelings… Attractive, almost.  
_Holy shit._  
_YOUR BEST FRIEND IS FUCKING LOOKING FOR SUPPORT AND YOU’RE WORRIED ABOUT HOW HOT HE IS._  
_SELFISH_  
_SELFISH_  
_SELFISH_  
“Josh, you remember the first night we met?” I grabbed his arm as I looked him in the eyes. “I fell over and you helped me through my panic attack. I told you about me? If I hated you for being gay, I’d be the biggest hypocrite on the planet.”  
He smiled a little.  
“You’ve got a point. But… aren’t you worried people are going to assume about you now?” he asked, his smile dropping again.  
_Should I be?_  
_YES YOU SHOULD. YOUR PARENTS._  
_PARENTS_  
_YES YOU SHOULD_  
I quickly shook my head, trying to dispel the thoughts running rampant through my brain.  
_When has what they thought mattered when it’s come down to how I feel?_  
_IT ALWAYS HAS_  
_ALWAYS_  
_ALWAYS WILL_  
“Let them.” I said, rubbing his arm, “They’re not wrong if they do. Besides, it’s only a mess if you make it one.”  
I jumped up off the floor, picking Josh up as I went.  
“Do you think… do you think we could go down to the forest again?” Josh asked, the tears starting to slow as we walked back towards the hall.  
“Tonight, yeah. Tonight we can. Once we see everyone off.” I smiled, grabbing his hand real quickly and giving it a squeeze.  
“Awesome. It’s a date.” He said, and I stopped dead in my tracks as he continued to walk towards the hall like nothing had happened.  
_Did he just… did he fucking just?_  
_IT’S A FIGURE OF SPEECH YOU DAFT MORON_  
_MORON_  
_MORON_  
_MORON_  
_HE WILL NEVER LOVE YOU_  
_NEVER LOVE YOU_  
_NEVER LOVE_  
_NEVER._


	3. 3. Down In The Forest

The day dragged on so slowly, I couldn’t even tell if time was actually moving, or if someone had managed to freeze it while I sat in Charms class. Flitwick was speaking about something to do with enchanted locks or keys, but I was not paying him any mind. Josh was sat over the other side of the room; absentmindedly levitating his quill, ignoring Flitwick as well, much like the rest of the class appeared to be. I watched as he brought the quill back down to the desk, dropped his wand and then picked up the quill, scrawling away at some random thought he had developed. He stuck his tongue out as he wrote. I giggled slightly at his level of concentration, and then felt heat rise to my cheeks as he poked his head up, looking me dead in the eye.  
 _Fuck. Do you think he heard me?  
OF COURSE HE DID  
I BET YOU MADE HIM TENSE UP  
WANT TO RUN AGAIN  
RUN AGAIN  
RUN  
_ I dropped his gaze super quick, glancing back up through my eyelashes to see him now pointing his wand at the page he just wrote. Suddenly, words appeared on my once blank page. Josh was using magic to pass notes again.  
“Tyler. I know Charms is your weak spot, but you don’t have to stare at me because I can levitate a feather. Anyway. Time needs to hurry up. I think we have a lot to talk about tonight.”  
 _What the fuck does he mean by that?!  
HE’S GOING TO TELL YOU THAT HE’S NOT INTERESTED YOU DAFT MORON.  
NOT INTERESTED  
NOT INTERESTED   
NOT  
_ I caught his gaze again, furrowing my eyebrows in confusing, before I scribbled a response back.  
“Whatever could there be for us to talk about, Mr Dun?”  
I pointed my wand at the page, watching the words disappear one by one. He looked down at his page, and then looked back up at me, his eyes sparkling with some kind of mischief that made me both nervous and excited to see his reply. He began writing again, mouthing along with the words as he wrote. A few scribbled later, he was pointing his wand at the paper again, and the words were appearing on mine.  
“I’ve just got some questions… I need some answers… Before I go insane. Plus, you said everyone going away tonight for a while would be a good adjustment period… I think I needed to hear that… Got some courage behind me now. I’ll see you tonight.”  
_Ok, maybe you’re right. Maybe he is going to tell me he’s not interested in me. I bet there is someone else.  
THAT’S THE SPIRIT  
THE SPIRIT  
SPIRIT  
SPIRIT  
_ _Now you sound like Josh’s parents and having Jesus._

_  
_ ***

  
The next few hours crept by like days, and finally Josh and I were waving everybody off. Only two other people from our year group stayed, and neither were in our houses, so it was going to be just us, alone, in our separate dorms.  
“Are we gonna go? To the forest, I mean.” Josh asked, a sense of urgency starting to rise in his voice as everybody else returned to the castle, complaining about cold and snow. Josh’s face was already pink with cold, and I was half tempted to move whatever this was to the library, just for warmth’s sake.   
“Well… yeah. But what’s the big rush?” I asked, as we both began to walk down the stairs. No teachers or students saw us leave, meaning we’d be in the clear for a few hours at least.   
“I just… I have some things I want to say, but I feel like if I don’t say them now, I never will. The forest is my safe space. So… I need to be there.” He said, shoving his already kittened hands under his cloak.   
_What the fuck has him so nervous? Josh is never nervous.  
ARE YOU SURE HE’S NOT JUST NERVOUS BECAUSE OF YOU  
YOUR OBSESSION WITH HIM  
MAKES ME SICK  
MAKES HIM NERVOUS  
_ We both walked in silence, heading towards our log. I quickly shifted the snow with my wand, and Josh drew away the wetness so we could both sit without fear of freezing our butts off.  
“Wait.” Josh said, as I went to open my mouth to speak while I sat down. He quickly gathered some sticks, and made a pile near the log.  
“Incendio.” Josh mumbled, and the sticks caught alight, providing some warmth. He finally sat down, facing me with a look that combined I’m-Gonna-Be-Sick with Don’t-Interrupt-Me-I’m-Talking.  
“Are you sure you’re ok after what happened this morning, Josh?” I asked him, and his head dropped slightly and a small sigh escaped his lips.  
“No. I’m still so mad. I’m still angry. But it’s like you said, it’s only a mess if you make it one.” He said, lifting his head back up to look at me. Something seemed different in his eyes as he looked at me. They seemed to glint in an unusual way.  
“Good. I mean, it’s not good it hap-happened and it’s not… not good that you have to deal with the fallout aw-away from them and it’s not good that you’re in somewhere so enclosed so you can’t es-escape it but I mean… I mean its good that you’re feeling a bit better about it.” I stammered, tripping over words and pausing as I tried to make what I wanted to say clear. He chuckled at me and shook his head.  
“Y’know Tyjo, you have so many thoughts at once, I’m surprised you can even make a coherent sentence half the time.” He smiled, and I was a bit taken aback.  
_He knows.  
OF COURSE HE KNOWS  
KNOWS  
KNOWS  
HE KNOWS YOU LIKE NO OTHER  
OTHER  
AND I’M ALWAYS HERE  
SO OF COURSE  
COURSE  
HE DOES  
_ “Uhh… I do?” I looked at him, and he was looking at me.   
He was just staring.  
With that damn look in his eyes, still.  
“You always do, Tyler. I’ve been watching you for years. You get so lost in yourself, like you’re talking to someone back there. Analysing. Everything has to be spoken about and worked out. It happens often after I say something as well. You shrink back into your shell for a few seconds and then you come back, ready with a response.”   
_Fuck.  
_ _TOLD YOU  
YOU  
YOU  
_ “I do get a bit caught up in my own head sometimes. I’m always thinking… thinking of what other people think of me.” I mumbled, finally breaking away from his gaze, feeling my face heat up again with what I know was a blush.  
“What do you think I think about you?” he asked, and I let out a small squeak  
 _Double shit fuck cunt.  
_ _ARE YOU GOING TO LIE TO HIM  
OR EXPOSE ME  
TELL HIM  
TELL HIM THE TRUTH  
WATCH HIM RUN  
RUN RUN  
RUN JOSH DUN  
_ “I… I… I think you think a lot of things about me. Like… you think I’m a bit strange. A little bit too odd. You know that I’m a little mentally… messed up. But you’re surprisingly ok with it. You know I struggle with some magic sometimes, and you think it’s to do with my parents having an attitude about me being a Gryffindor so I’m naturally already good at this stuff.”  
“Tyl-“  
“You think, even though you accept me for who I am, that you’re only doing it because it might hurt me if you don’t. Or you really do accept me and it’s special to you. I’m special to you. Can’t understand why… why I would be.”  
“You’re special to me be-“  
“Or even maybe, you think of me as more than this. I’m not just Tyler Joseph: Huge Disappointment. Maybe I’m Tyler Joseph: Successful Wizard to you. Maybe you think you can see me for what I’m supposed to be, not who I am.”   
“Tyler.” He snapped, and I clamped my mouth shut, “You… I… I can’t explain… what I think about you. There are no words for how much I think you’re special. How special you have been to me this whole time. You’re my family now, Tyler. My real one left me, but I got you. You told me that yourself. Nothing else about you matters to me. Literally nothing. As long as I have you.”  
“You really thin-“ I began, but was interrupted by Josh grabbing my hand.  
“I really do.” He smiled, and I caught that glimpse in his eye again as he leaned towards me.  
_Oh my god. Fuck. Is he about to kiss me?  
NO  
NO   
HE JUST WANTS TO HUG YOU  
HE WILL NEVER LOVE YOU  
_ I felt his forehead touch mine.  
“Josh…” I mumbled, as our noses bumped.  
“Tyjo, if I’ve been reading you wrong all these years, and you don’t want this, I suggest you pull away right now.” He whispered, and I felt a jolt of electricity run through my stomach.  
_PULL AWAY  
HE’S PLAYING YOU  
PLAYING YOU  
YOU’LL GET HURT  
I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO LOVES YOU.  
YOU   
__YOU  
PLAYING YOU  
_ I took a deep breath.  
“I told you before, I’m not going anywhere.” I said, and closed the distance between our lips.  
 _YOU’RE A FUCKING IDIOT_  
HE’S GOING TO HATE YOU  
HATE YOU  
HATE   
HATE  
HE WILL NEVER LOVE YOU  
NEVER LOVE YOU  
NEVER LOVE  
NEVER  
  



End file.
